Fourth College Essay: Breakpoint.

Daniela did not know that it was going to be the toughest goodbye. She did not realize it at the moment but rather years later because it was the only memory that she had never been able to express on paper. She had written about leaving her home and moving to a foreign country, but since she had suppressed this goodbye, it remained in the back of her mind murky and inconsistent like the memory of a dream. She could not remember every minute or conversation, but whenever she looked back to that day and night, the anxiety, joy, and grief weakened her heart again.

            The anxiety began when Daniela entered her grandparent’s old house. Even after their deaths and although she had never lived in it, the house had always felt like a second home. Yet, that night the smell of food and multi-purpose cleaner that Daniela had always associated it with was gone. That night, the myriad portraits and family relics had been stored away making the entire place hollow. Since nothing could be left in the house, icy rooms that felt foreign and unknown surrounded her instead of the usual smell and warmth of familiarity. The room that shook her the most, however, was her cousin’s. It had always been a chaotic flea market with all her belongings spread around, but that night there was only a naked bed, a broken mirror, and two stuffed suitcases ready to part.

            This is it, she thought, this emptiness is what we all expected but still dreaded.

            She owed some of her happiest childhood memories to that house and room, so seeing it that naked made her stomach spin and her villi rise. Daniela was not the one leaving the country that night—there were still a couple of weeks left for that—but since her twenty-one-year-old cousin Emma and her aunt were the only two still living in the old house, their departure meant that it would also be her last time walking those halls.

            Their bus was scheduled to part at three o’clock the following afternoon, and since the entire family wanted to drive them to the terminal, Emma and Eugenia spent the night at Daniela’s house. They were going through their bags to assure they had everything they needed for their one-week journey from Venezuela to Colombia, when Emma pulled out an unexpected stack of pastel-colored envelopes.

            “They are not finished yet, but they are yours,” she explained as she handed them to Daniela with a smile full of hope. Each envelope had a different pastel tone and was decorated with colorful pictures, famous quotes, and handwritten titles. “For when you miss me”, “For when you want to wear make-up”, “For when you fall in love,” and “For when you’re sad” were some of the titles that revealed to Daniela the content of each letter that hid inside. Emma knew how much Daniela would need an older sister’s advice and guidance after they separated, so she had written each letter with the intention of filling the gap that physical distance would bring. After all, they were cousins by blood but had always been sisters at heart.

            The letters sparked a heartening yet ephemeral joy in both girls. Full of mixed feelings, Emma returned to her bag to pull out a tawny, threaded necklace with nothing more than a dancing ballerina hanging from it. As a passionate dancer herself, Daniela already saw the necklace as much more than just a pretty piece of jewelry—but her cousin’s words were the ones that shook her the most.

            “I want you to keep it because I have always wanted to be a dancer,” she confessed. Surprise settled then because not once, in her fifteen years of age and four years as a dancer, had Daniela heard about Emma’s aspiration to dance. “Because I was never able to start, seeing you dance has always made me feel accomplished,” her cousin barely managed to add before the tears escaped her eyes. A sting rushed through Daniela’s spine and settled in her stomach when she heard the last words. She realized that Emma had not only given her a necklace that mirrored her personality, but she had also given her a confession that made her passion worth more than it already did. The necklace, though delicately beautiful, connected them and represented the sweet sorrow that they both felt as aspiring dancers and future immigrants.

            Daniela wore the necklace for the first time the following day. The two cousins spent the course of the day trying to laugh at anything in an attempt to ease the tense environment of the house, but when they arrived at the bus terminal it was even harder to calm the nerves. The terminal buzzed with numerous people rushing to and from boarding doors; stuffed suitcases rolling across the floor; bored children running in circles; and families breaking apart in every corner. Their family in particular froze each time the microphone turned on, but to their relief, it was soon announced that the bus heading to Colombia was delayed by two hours.

            The row of chairs that they occupied presented quite an ironic scene. On one side, Daniela’s mother and aunt held hands and discussed how their country’s situation had forced them to separate. On the other side, her father and brother sat quietly, not wanting to share any negative comments but not having anything positive to say either. Meanwhile, Daniela and Emma sat in the middle of the row making jokes through their red eyes and heavy hearts. It is funny and sad, Daniela realized, how we are all thinking about saying goodbye but do not want to mention it yet.   

            Grief finally made its debut when the dreaded announcement reached their ears. All of them took deep breaths and stood up shaking while their minds buzzed with desperation to hold each other. Daniela and Emma hugged last, fusing into one body of sobs that each of them wanted to print in their memories. No matter how painful it was, Daniela wanted to remember her cousin’s cold skin, brittle voice, and sweaty smell—but also the strength with which they held onto each other. They separated after another piercing announcement, and Emma and Eugenia proceeded towards the immigration doors. As they walked away, an impulse to run towards them rushed through Daniela’s veins, and when they lined up in front of the bus waving through teary eyes, the realization that this would be the last time they would see each other stung. Although they knew that social media would be helpful and that there were still many years to come, they also knew that their country’s crisis and their immigration statuses would make it difficult for them to meet soon. So, on that evening of November 2014, Daniela did not know that it would be her toughest goodbye. However, she realized months later that watching her cousin and aunt leave had been the breakpoint of her small family; it made the first and deepest wound, and thus the hardest one to heal.

4th College Essay: Personal Narrative.

Side note: Even as tough as this was to write and read, it still does not compare to living that night.